This Razor Blade Of Mine
by What Hurt The Most
Summary: Its a short sad one shot about Jenny and Nate and the pain that causing Jenny to take her own life.


_Take the blade run it along the slik you call your skin remember what its like to feel again._

_S_he always told herself he would be the death of her but, did it matter in the end with pain like this she was a idiot. Love wasn't some game but, in his eyes it was he always held a poker face that made he go wild and where did she end up alone crying and waiting for him to come around but, he always just let her down. Sometimes life going on hurt more then just ending it the moment he said goodbye because, you have to live with the pain of knowing he's always too far gone to be yours again. How many times had she sat her staring at that razor blade waiting for the right moment to end it and wait for him at the golden gates.

For all she knew it could have been years before anyone knocked on her door. The days seemed to drag on longer and longer each time weeks felt like months that bleeded in to years. Everything was just pain and numbness thoughts never came and nightmares felt welcome and here she was staring at a razor blade waiting for the moment to learn what it was like to feel something more again. Maybe this way they would both be happy maybe all the sorrow and pain would end if she just gave her life up to the devil if she just held her hand out with her soul. Only one thing would ever stay behind and that would be her heart and Nate would always hold it in his hands.

_End it just run that blade across your wrist just be selfish and finish it._

The drugs never fixed her problems nothing could stop the pain he left behind and she had to deal with it every day watch it pass her by in soundless words, aimless looks and wordless words. He never truly loved her the way she did so why not just stop the pain and take her own life, for once it seemed like the best idea she could think of. She was a fool for him a fool for his love and lust but, where does one end and the other begin? Sounds drifted in and out but, all she cared about was the razor bade she clutched. Her fingers running over her pulse point. She knew how to do this from watching so many movies sometimes she found herself wishing she could be in those movies the ones you see the girl care free.

She lightly touched the metal to her wrist the banging on her door she ignored, the screaming voice were faint all she could focus was on how cold the sharp metal of the razor blade felt against her skin, she liked it. More voices louder but, faint to her more banging but unheard. Soundless words he spoke Aimless looks he gave her and some how his Words were wordless. Focused she told her self removing the blade and then put it back on her wrist. Here you go end it as fast as he ended everything with you. A little voice whispered in her head and it drove her to her need to feel more.

_So go ahead and take your life i am sure he won't mind its so easy just move the blade slowly across the pulse watch as you bleed, bleed for him._

She toke in a deep breath slowly pushing harder feeling some slight pain. The voice were getting loud but, she had to focus because this is what he wanted her to do, right? She pushed harder slowly moving it across watching as the scarlet red ran down her arm slowly, she looked at the other wrist and did the same faster. The scarlet red was coming faster in a river of red where she was slowly drowning his smile playing over and over again behind her eyelids. She lend back feeling like her life was flowing out of her, the voices no more the banging gone only Nate's smile. She only saw him, heard him, felt him, a smiled slowly dancing on his lips as everything went more black. She felt the pull then gave up fighting it her soul living this world, a smile on her body's face and Nate's name slowly dancing on her lips.

His name would forever be her last word as the world faded and the pain went away.

_She was always too far gone but, you let her go and no you regret it her soul gone but, her heart still in your hands. _

_N_ate slammed in to the door it finally opened and he could finally talk to her but, he was too late. She was gone as he looked at the bed she was soaked in scarlet red. She had drown in her own pain and he knew she couldn't bear it anymore so she drowned herself, she toke her life for him. He let out a weird noise like he was choking as tears slowly spilled over his eyes. Dan came rushing in and saw what Nate saw. He stepped back shaking his head Dan loved Jenny and now she was gone. Nate felt like he lost a piece of himsefl but, it hurt so much to see the smile on her face and feel like he could just hear her voice breaking and whispering his name as she faded in to the grey. It felt like he toke her life like he was the razor blade on the ground.

He could help himself as he walked to her bed and shook her lightly at first but, as soon as he felt the cold touch of her skin he shook her harder."Jenny don't do this on me you can't go not now not ever. Jenny!" He was screaming putting his head in her long blonde hair the tears coming faster and feeling, the feeling of knowing she was gone for good this time. He tried screaming but, couldn't only breathless whispers of her name came as he held her limp ice cold body in his hands. He loved her and now she was finally out of his reach, now he knew her pain. Ending his life right then and there sounded like a wonderful idea but, she wouldn't want that. He knew one thing and only one thing she would wait for him even if it toke forever but, she would still wait she always would.

_You'll wait forever for him to join you when he wouldn't wait a second less to join you_

_Is there life after death?_

_Will you see his smile again? _

_Or are you just left with his memory forever._

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I know its depressing and sad but i just had this burst of muse and this idea so i just wrote what i felt for it. I want to cry just writing it so i am sorry if you were happy and this made you sad._  
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